Ingredients to Your Living Hell
by ninjaxbunny
Summary: Add one crazy potty mouthed punk girl, mix in 38 cups of tequila, & then stir in two psycho killers. Blend well & add a hint of sexual tension & secrets for flavor. ItaxOC
1. Chapter 1

Profile

Summary: Add one crazy potty mouthed punk girl; mix in 38 cups of alcoholic drinks, and then stir in two psycho killers. Blend well and had a hint of sexual tension for flavor.

Name: Uzanahi Kyoko

Age: 16

Personality: Bad ass, potty mouthed, punker with a big fucking attitude. Don't forget that crazy style of clothes.

Abilities: None, except the ability to beat the living hell out of any one that annoys the shit out of her

Dislikes: everything basically except alcohol, fights, and music

Favorite line: "Fuck the fucking fuckers!"

Hair color: black with red highlights and purple and blue bangs

Eye color: emerald green and wears red color contacts

Tattoos: a dragon on her upper right arm (looks like a bangle), a exotic design with the words "Back off bitch, I bite" in red on her left thigh, and the Japanese symbol for fire on her left wrist

Piercing: belly button ring, multiple earring on each ear (4 on left, 6 on right), tongue

Ingredients to your living hell

Chapter One: Free at last, free at last!

The judge watched the girl carefully and finally declared, "Uzanahi Kyoko, you are here by declared innocent by the jury and is now an innocent citizen of New York City."

A sixteen year old girl stared back at the judge in shock. "Are you fucking kidding me? I'm free! Free at last, free at last!"

Kyoko jumped up from her chair whooping and yelling that she was finally free from hell. The judge sighed and muttered, "We should have just declared her innocent in the beginning to save us from this headache."

Walking out of the court room she was greeted by her parents. "MOM! DAD! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

She launched herself at her parents and her mother released a relieved sigh. Her father smiled and handed her some money.

"Go out and have a day of fun dear. Just don't go and do anything crazy okay?"

Her eyes went all teary and she flung herself at her father. "Thank you so much dad!" Then she rushed off into the crowded streets of New York City.

**In the Naruto World**

Two killers stood over all the fallen bodies and one of them smirked.

"Oi, Itachi, today's going to be a good day!"

Itachi stared back at his partner in disagreement. Then he shook his handsome head and said, "I have a strange feeling something bad will happen soon."

**Back with the crazy bad mouthed Kyoko**

Kyoko ran through the crowded streets towards her destination. Kicking the door open she screamed,

"MIKEY I'M FREE FROM THAT CRAZY FUCKING HEL-!"

Before the crazy girl could continue the door slammed shut in her face.

Getting up off the floor she glared at the swinging door and ran in yelling, "Why the hell did you ever getting a swinging door?"

Mikey shrugged nonchalantly and asked, "The usual Kyoko?"

Her insane grin was enough to make anyone cringe in fear. "FUCK YEAH!"

**6 hours later…**

A drinking Kyoko was not a good thing. A drunk and intoxicated Kyoko was like unleashing the apocalypse upon the world.

At this moment though, 38 cups of empty shot glasses were all over the counter and Kyoko was singing "Hollaback girl" by Gwen Stefani, and just to say, she was singing it mighty off key. Singing was never one of her strong points at least when she was drunk. Dancing, drinking, cussing, and beating the shit out of people were her only strong points. When she was sober, she had the voice of an angel.

"THE SHIT IS BANANAS! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! I SAID THE SHIT IS BANANAS! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!"

"GOD DAMN IT KYOKO, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"WEEE! LOOK AT ME! I'm Mikey with a 2 inch dick! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"I don't know why I even let you drink. You're way under aged."

"IT'S BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME!"

**2 hours later…**

"Kyoko, maybe you should go home. It's 10:30 at night. Maybe I should drive you home."

"Aww, heelll nooo. I caann –hiccup- take care o-hiccup-f myself!"

With that, Kyoko got out of her seat and walked out of the bar. Her long waist length hair fluttered in the wind. 'Ugh, my head fudging hurts like a mommy fudger.' Her red eyes scanned the street names trying to make the world stop spinning. Her long black pants with chains and rips did no good at protecting her from the harsh wind. Her black half top shirt had slits in it too, so no good there. At the moment, Kyoko was intoxicated and utterly lost.

'Oh wow, I didn't know my bangs were blue and purple.'

She trudged through the streets of New York. It was really bad to be going out like this at night. She looked up at the sky and gasped at the falling 'snow.'

She stuck her tongue out and ate whatever the hell it was.

'Taste like sugar.'

All of a sudden she felt a little light headed and then collapsed on the streets. Her last thoughts were,

'God damn, I think I'm going fucking puke.'

**Morning time in Naruto world**

_Kyoko's POV_

'Oh my fucking god, I think I'm going to fucking puke.' I thought to myself. I rolled over on the soft ground so my face looked up to the sky. Why was it so bright? Why the hell did my head hurt like a bitch? I got up and almost immediately regretted getting up. I fell back down and moaned in pain. How much worse could this get?

"Damn all that fucking tequila."

I closed my eyes hoping my head would stop spinning. When was New York ever this bright in fall? When was it really this quiet? I could actually hear birds. In my part of the city all the birds choked and died of air pollution. The sun was shining and I was lying in the middle of no where. I sighed and thought, 'Is it normal to fall asleep in the middle of New York City and then wake up in the woods?'

_No it isn't._

Holy shit! Who the hell are you?

_I'm you, that's who._

Hey, that rhymes. If you're me, then who am I? Damn, I'm confused.

_-Sigh- I'm your conscience. _

Really? AWESOME!

_You're a twit._

HEY! AM NOT! Wait, if you call me a twit isn't that like calling yourself a twit?

…

HA!

I stopped talking to my conscience and tried sitting up again. It really hurt my head, but I finally got up and looked around. 'Trees, trees, rock, bunny, trees, duck, dead dude, trees, trees, two dudes in black cloaks, trees…wait what the fuck!' I looked back in shock. NO FUCKING WAY! IT WAS A FUCKING **PURPLE DUCK**! So fucking awesome! (A/N: XD)

I looked around and laid back down on the ground and said, "Someone give me some fucking Advil."

After a few minutes I shot back up and said out loud, "Dead dude? What the fucking hell?"

I turned back and looked at the two dudes in black cloaks. They wore straw hats and one was carrying a huge sword. 'Those hats totally clash with the cloaks. God, guys have no sense of fashion these days. Then again, I have no idea why my hair is black, red, blue, and purple.'

The men in black walked over to me as I sat on the floor looking at them. After a few minutes of silence, I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up and yelled,

"WELL FUCKING SAY SOMETHING! GOD JESUS! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

After I finished yelling I let myself fall back down on my ass with a small 'oomph.' I glared at the two and finally they took of their hats.

One of them had some dead sexy red eyes and the other one was, well…Eww. I glared at them both and finally I said, "Well answer my damn question."

Then something clicked in my head. 'Red eyes, black hair, red and black cloak with clouds on it. Humongous sword, blue skin, shark face...' My eyes widened in shock. I looked back from both of them and finally said softly, "Akatsuki…"

_Itachi's POV_

Kisame and I were killing off the last of the ninjas when we heard something about 20 feet from us. Killing off the final ninja, we walked over to find a girl with strange hair color. Her clothes were indecent and she was lying on the ground mumbling incoherent things.

Finally she sat up and said something like, "Dead dude, what the fuck?" Her gaze landed on us and she stared. A variety of emotions ran through her blood red eyes, confusion, disapproval, more confusion, and last of all anger.

She jumped up and started screaming, "WELL FUCKING SAY SOMETHING! GOD JESUS! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!" Right after she finished yelling she fell right back down and glared at us.

After a few minutes, she finally said, "Well answer my damn question."

We stared at her and she stared back. Finally, realization passed through her eyes and one word left her mouth, "Akatsuki…"

I smirked as fear came to her face. I took a step towards her and she glared at me. My smirk never left my face as I said, "Girl, either she was very brave, or very foolish."

She jumped up and said, "I have a name you know." She pointed an accusing finger at myself and Kisame. Kisame watched her, his left eye began to twitch. Kisame probably wanted to kill the girl for screaming so much. Silence settled over us until she got up and walked over to a tree and repeatedly banged her head on the tree.

Kisame looked at her with confusion and I arched my brow at watch she was doing. I was going to say something till I heard her say, "This has got to be a fucking dream. I just drank way too much alcohol, and now I'm in a fucking comatose and I'll be waking up very soon."

_Kyoko's POV_

I repeatedly banged my head on the tree mumbling to myself. I couldn't believe this. This was just a really fucked up dream. There was no way THE Uchiha Itachi and THE Hoshigaki Kisame of THE Akatsuki were standing in front of her.

'No fucking way is this true. If they're freaking psycho killers, why aren't I dead yet? Why the hell am I talking to myself?'

I finally stopped banging my head against the tree, and turned back to them. I watched them for a few seconds and then said out loud, "I swear, I must be fucking sedated or something."

I started to pace back and forth and then finally, I realized something. If this was real, and I really was in the Naruto world, how the hell did I get here?

One thing registered in my mind, 'That damn sugary snow!' I gave and exasperated sigh and mumbled, "Damn, I knew I shouldn't have gone drinking."

I turned and glared at the two Akatsuki members and yelled, "STOP FUCKING STARING! IT'S VERY IMPOLITE YOU DAMN BITCHES!"

I gave another sigh and plopped down on my butt. I looked at them and then stared at the ground. Never in my life have I felt so confused. I was just used to being crazy and wild. I never really thought of anything else. Half the time I was drunk anyways, and the other half I was in jail because of fighting and under age drinking. I never had a point in life. So was this God's punishment for me?

I glared at my black skater shoes and asked, "Ne, why are you people still here? Go away and let me think. I need to figure out how to get back home and strangle Mikey for letting me drink so much."

I looked back up and stared right into Itachi's eyes. Then I grabbed a rock and flung it at Kisame. It was caught like I expect. This was going to be a hell lot of thinking. I never thought I would be stuck in this strange predicament. I continued to stare at Itachi and finally I said, "Dude, you're really sexy."

I grinned stupidly as Kisame stared at me dumbly and Itachi quirked a brow. I laughed like an idiot and continued wanting to get a reaction from him, "Well anyways, I'm only speaking the truth. I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a virgin either. Now a day if women see a piece of ass as hot as yours, they'd jump your bones!"

I busted out laughing at his face. He actually looked embarrassed. Stood up and walked over to him pulling at the collar of his cloak. I leaned in close and kissed him.

I thought I heard Kisame's sword hit the ground in shock. After a few seconds, I pulled back and grinned. I turned around and started off into the unknown woods leaving the two Akatsuki there. After I took about three steps, I felt an impact on neck and the world went black.

-----

Well this is my new story. I don't know why I'm writing new stories, I just feel like if I don't get them out of my head, my brain will explode. Well, read and review! I'll update 'Returning' soon. My writer's block is slowly disappearing. XD

S2 bunny


	2. Chapter 2

Ingredients to Your Living Hell

Chapter Two: Escape

Itachi's POV

I didn't know exactly why I decided to take this crazy girl with us, but I did. She was, well to put it bluntly, interesting. She didn't throw herself at my feet like other women. Instead, she screamed and yelled like a total buffoon.

She was a puzzle just begging to be solved, a challenge, and knowing me as I did; I _never_ back down from a challenge. Never have a met a girl as loud as this one though. Naruto-kun being loud was understandable, but this girl, she was even louder than him.

She strongly smelled of alcohol, so I assumed that she was on hangover. Her hair was ridiculously colored. She had purple bangs that covered her forehead and then blue bangs that ran past her chin on the sides. The rest of her hair was black with red streaks running through it. Before, when I first met eye contact with her, the first thing I noticed was her eyes. They were a breathtaking shade of red. Her skin was very tan, and scars marred her arms. My gaze traveled to her lips; a deep shade of red, like strawberries, and they probably tasted like them too.

What the…

Where the hell did that come from? This girl was become too much of a bother. I should have killed her the moment I saw her.

As nighttime came, Kisame and I stopped for the night. The moment I put the girl down on the floor, her eyes opened.

Kyoko's POV

I felt myself hit the cold, _hard_, floor. My eyes snapped open, only to be greeted by red eyes. After a few seconds, I jabbed my finger at him and yelled,

"AHH! YOU'RE THAT FREAKIN' PSYCHO BASTARD THAT KILLED OFF HIS WHOLE FUCKING CLAN!"

He glared at me and said in a robot voice, "Be quiet woman." I glared right back and said, "Why don't you fucking make me you prick."

Well, he kind of looked pissed when I said that and I saw his left eye twitch a little, but that's basically all he did. He just walked over to a tree and sat down. Hmph, men, they're such god damn assholes. I looked around me and found the 'shark dude' gone. I started thinking about finding a way to escape when the asshole said, "Don't even think of escaping. You won't make it past that tree three feet from you." I glowered at him and snorted. Damn aristocratic prick.

After a while the shark dude came back with fishies for us to eat. I watched them set up a fire and then Itachi started doing these weird hand signs and said something like, "grand fire ball technique," and then blew out fire. I was staring in awe.

When the fish was cooked, Itachi looked over to me and said, "Eat woman." I gave a grunt and took the fish from him and said, "I have a fucking name you know."

He looked at me and replied coolly, "Oh? What is it then?"

I looked at him like he was my evil twin and retorted, "Why should I tell you? Prick…"

I mumbled the last part and he quirked a brow saying, "So would you prefer it if I called you 'woman' the whole time?"

After a few seconds I gave a sigh. I needed some damn alcohol. Speaking of which, I reek of it. I needed a bath. I looked over at Itachi and said, "My name is Uzanahi Kyoko." I didn't know what it was, but I thought I saw his eyes widen and his form stiffen. I stared at him and asked, "What? Cat got your tongue?" He did nothing but grunt at me.

'Damn men…so fucking insensitive.'

_That's right!_

WHOA! Who are you?

_You're conscience remember? We already had this conversation._

Oh…hehe. Sorry, I gots me short term memory.

_Uh huh, sure you do. _

I DO GOD DAMN IT! UGH! YOU'RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!

_Then that means you're saying you're annoying._

Well, I-I, Uhh…damn…

I snapped out of my trance and looked at Kisame's awesome sword. Itachi was 'asleep,' and Kisame was keeping watch. I leaned over to touch the sword when Kisame said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

I looked up at him and was about to ask 'why' when I just snarled out, "Why the hell should I listen to what you fucking say?"

He glared back at me and said, "Hey, I was just looking out for you kiddo." I blinked at him and sighed. Then a random question popped up into my head, "Hey Kisame, how old is Itachi?"

Kisame blinked at me in shock.

"What the fuck are you staring at damn it!"

Kisame busted up laughing.

I glared at him.

He laughed even harder.

Finally, I jumped at him and tackled him to the floor punching his face. Kisame flipped us over and he started to attack me.

I used my leg to hit him on the head and I didn't know how hard I hit him, but he fell down unconscious. I blinked and looked at him and smirked.

'Ha ha, fuck you asshole.'

With that, I ran off into the woods in the middle of the night.

Which I might add, was not a very good idea.

---

DUN DUN DUN!  He he, well anyways, sorry for such a short chapter. Anyways, since school has started up again, I might update a little slower. -.-; sadddddd

Anyways, read and review! 


	3. Chapter 3

Ingredients to Your Living Hell

Chapter Three: Challenges

Anyways, like I said, I ran away from the safety of the psycho killers. Pfft, like being with them is safer than running around in the woods at night time where there could be wolves, serial killers, rapists, crazy people, drug dealers, crazy black gangsters with guns, and…

Okay maybe it was safer with them.

So yeah, here I was, a big city girl who loves alcohol, running around in the woods, with nothing to protect myself I might add, also I am doing run on sentences and that's bad.

Anyways, yeah, I'm walking here and then…I fall.

Down and down and down a hill I roll. Hmm, Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, while Jill came tumbling down! Anyways, yeah, where was I? Ah, yes, I'm falling and then, my fall was cushioned by…

A large patch of…chronic plants?

Whoa, hey…THIS IS WEED PLANTS! 0. o

What the hell?

Oh well…

"JACKPOT!" I started doing my little victory dance, and then I stopped and thought for a second. What would happen if I gave _Itachi_ weed? Hmmm….

Anyways, I gathered up a whole bunch of plant leaves and stuffed them into my pocket.

Now then, off to find Itachi.

_**6 hours later…**_

So then, here I am again, laying on the ground in fetal position, sucking on my right thumb, and rocking back and forth.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up and screamed at the top of my lungs,

"**ITACHI! WHERE ARE YOU!"**

Then I fell back down and resumed what I was doing for a few seconds before Itachi appeared behind me.

I jumped up and glomped him.

"ITACHI, OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE OUT HERE! I'M SO SORRY FOR RUNNING AWAY! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH MY LITTLE PINK TEDDY BEAR!"

In the background I could hear Kisame laughing his ass off. Haha, wouldn't you laugh too if Itachi was called a **_pink_** teddy bear? I bet you you're laughing right now. XD

Anyways, Itachi's right eye twitched after a few seconds. He then looked down at me and glared evilly towards me. I "harrumphed" and then sat back down in glum.

"-Sniffle- My whittle –sniffle- Itachi-kun –sniffle- doesn't –sniffle- LOVE ME! WAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I was very good at annoying people if you haven't noticed, and at this moment, Itachi was my victim. Haha, that'll teach him to drop me on the floor.

After some time Itachi kneeled in front of me, cupped my chin and looked me in the eye.

Then…

HE MOTHER FUCKING BITCH ASS LICKED ME! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! THAT IS SO TOTALLY FUCKING GROSS!

He licked away my 'tears.'

I tried to punch him in the face but his hand shot out and caught my fist. My face went totally blank. This was so not happening. Even Kisame went quiet.

Itachi looked me straight in the eye and said, "Sleep _my _little one."

_**Hours later at the Akatsuki lair in Itachi's room**_

Ugh, I woke up with another headache. This was a new thing for me. To think I had gotten used to them too. I sat up and noticed the change in my attire. I was no longer wearing my banger/gothic clothes. I was now wearing a sleeping kimono.

Wait, if I was wearing something different, who changed me?

Well I actually said that part out loud, but I wasn't really expecting an answer.

"I did."

I turned around instantly and in doing so, I fell off the bed.

_**THUMP!**_

Stupid bed, stupid floor, and stupid ITACHI!

I sat up and sent my evilest glare to Itachi. He did nothing but smirk. I stood up and stomped over to him and grabbed him by his collar.

"GOD DAMN YOU AND YOU SEXINESS!" I yelled. I let go of him and started to breath, in and out.

When turned around so my back was to him and I started to breathe more erratically. This was just way to damn much. I turned around again to slap him because I felt like when my lips met his.

Fuck man, he was a hell of a damn crazy kisser. He teased me and kissed me sweetly. It desired, wanting, passionate, lustful, and erotic. Damn him and his kissing skills. ARGH! He's such a pain in the ass.

Finally, when he pulled back, I was left breathless. I stared at him in shock. He leaned over and nipped my ear. It sent shocks of pleasure through me. Damn him and his mad skills. He trailed small butterfly kisses down my neck. When he came to my collar bone, he started to suck on my skin. I let out a small gasp. I could practically _feel _him smirking against my skin. Stupid Itachi and his big ego.

His calloused hands traveled down my body and his touch sent shivers down my spine. I shuddered and then took my arms and wrapped them around his neck, holding him closer. He was so warm.

And then suddenly, he pulled away! Fuck this fucking fucker man! I glared at him and yelled, "What the hell!"

He smirked at me and said, "You succumb to seduction too easily."

"Damn you Itachi…you know what? From now on, I will never fall for your little seduction games."

His infamous came to face and he said, "Challenge accepted, my dear."

----

Dear little Kyoko doesn't know what she's getting herself into…tsk tsk…

Hehe, well the weed will have it's part. She found it for a reason. xD

I'll try and update my other stories soon. Working hard for you wonderful reviewers:


	4. Chapter 4

_**IMPORTANT THINGS AT THE END OF THE STORY! PLEASE READ!**_

Ingredients to Your Living Hell

Chapter Four: Why weed is considered illegal

Kyoko's POV

Okay people, it's been about a week since I got here and all the people here are crazy psycho killing weirdoes. Did I mention they were psycho? Especially the fucking crazy bitch ass motherfucking piece of shit that can burn in hell called Itachi?

Did I also mention that I fucking hate Itachi?

Ever since that one night he was acting all fucked up; he kept fucking _touching_ me. Eww, that was just plain gross.

_That's not what you thought before._

Eh? Who are you?

_YOUR CONSCIENCE FOR THE LAST TIME!_

Ahh, mommy I'm scared! -.-

_Ugh, how are you even human?_

I'm you and what do you mean that's not what I thought before?

_You liked it. Admit it, I'm you. I know everything you think about, and I know you've had those fantasies about him._

AHH! NO NO NO NO NO NO! How did you find out!

_-. - I'm you, I know everything about you. Hehe, you like him, you wanna hug him, you want to kiss him, you want to fu—_

NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP! MY POOR INNOCENT MIND!

_Pfft, your **innocent **mind?_

Shut up and go away.

_Fine._

The freaky voice in my head went away.

I stared at the ceiling of Itachi's room. I wasn't _allowed_ to leave this room. About two days ago, I found all my clothes, and guess what else I found too?

My weed….

I guess it was time for me to find out my question.

What would happen if I gave Itachi and Kisame weed?

_Later that night_

Itachi and Kisame walked into the room and Itachi looked really pissed. Kisame was following him trying to calm him down. Me? Well I just sat on the bed trying to figure out how I was going to make my weed. Hey, I needed to get high too!

Normally, Itachi had really good control on his temper, but I guess something really bad must have happened. I looked at Kisame and asked, "What the fuck happened to him?"

Kisame walked over to me and said, "He's suspended from missions because of you."

"Eh?"

"What the hell is that?" Kisame asked pointing to the marijuana leaves. Itachi turned around before he obliterated his desk and looked over to me. He arched a delicate brow and 'glided' over to me. I smirked and said, "This, my gentlemen, is my escape from the hell hole called life." I held up a pretty green leaf and said, "It's called marijuana or weed. What ever floats you fucking shitty ass sorry excuse god damn forsaken for a boat."

_An hour later…_

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY!" I yelled insanely. Currently Itachi, Kisame, and myself were outside, smoking weed.

"Oh shit son!"

I was laughing again. Oh what weed did to our minds. Itachi was way out of character and Kisame was being a totally funny ass crack! Itachi had a secret stash of sake in his room, and well I don't think there was anymore left.

"HEY HEY! Itachi, Kisame, let's sing a song!"

"Sing?" Itachi's words were slurred and his arm hung loosely around my shoulders. We were swaying to and fro. I busted laughing and started singing off key.

"OH DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, THE MUFFIN MAN, THE MUFFIN MAN! OH DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN THAT LIVES ON DREWY LANE!"

I started cackling like a hag and said, "This be the shit son!"

Itachi swayed and demanded hilariously, "Sing another song love!"

He said it with the funniest accent ever! I started 'singing' again.

"SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES! SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES! OH SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN, SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN, SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES!"

I started yodeling and then I drank down some sake. I started laughing and choked on the sake. Kisame started laughing like a fucked up bitch, and Itachi was laughing his stupid sexy ass off.

Suddenly, Kisame fell back in to a state of unconsciousness. I stared, Itachi stared, and then I lifted the little make shift weed thing and stared at it.

"This be the shit son! AHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Itachi joined in with laughing and I said, "Say it with me drunken bastard!"

In unison Itachi and I yelled, very loudly I might add, "THIS BE THE SHIT SON!"

We cracked up laughing before Itachi got up and started singing (yodeling) and dancing!

"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL; I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CLASS, SO KISS MY ASS!"

Just so you know, he was doing the chicken dance. (A/N: XD one of my friends didn't know how to do the chicken dance, so I taught him.)

He fell on the floor hooting like an idiot, only to be stopped by Kisame's voice.

"GIVE ME MY DAMN PEPPERONI AND ANCHOVI PIZZA BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

I just exploded with hoots and screams of laughter. Itachi stared blankly at his partner and then pulled out a kunai and ran at him screaming, "THAT'S MY PIZZA YOU HOE!"

And so as you see, the night continued a little something like this. This is also why weed is illegal. It does some crazy shit to your mind, but you know what? Fuck those fucking fuckers! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA –big breath- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay well I'm done. Itachi ended up trying to stab Kisame, Kisame tried to bite of Itachi's arm thinking it was a drumstick, and me…I just laughed my ass of the whole night. No doubt well be stoned and on hangover tomorrow.

-----

Loll! This was such a hilarious chapter to write. Anyways, I have a new obsession with Sai. I don't know why, but yeah anyways. I'm getting around to an idea with 'Returning' and this story is just filled up with nonsense and has no real plot. It's just something I wrote when I was hyper and sugar high. xD Anyways, I'll figure out a plot.

Anyways, I'm going to be starting a new story, but I can't choose which of these two ideas to start first. I'll probably do both of them anyways.

**1st story**

**Mercenary's Life**

**Hikari Takiko never belonged anywhere. She was the outcast of her village. Everyone feared, hated, or discriminated her. Even by her foster parents. Everyone wished death upon her. Naruto, Shino, Sai, Sasuke, Itachi, Neji, Gaara, and Shikamaru are deadly mercenaries. Running around doing deadly missions tend to cause trouble. Alternate Universe people! **

_2nd story_

_Heaven_

_In a world where humans are a rare, exquisite, and delicate meal, where demons and vampires roamed freely, Ciel was 'born'. She has no memories of her life before. She is the child of the Heavens ._

Bleh, it's better than it sound. Actually you know what? Here's chapter one/prologue to both stories. **Bold** is 'Mercenary's Life' and _italic _is 'Heaven.'

**Mercenary's Life**

**Profile**

**Name: Hikari Takiko**

**Age: 17**

**Eye color: gold**

**Hair color: shoulder length black**

**Abilities: skilled in medicine and nursing**

**PREVIEW OF CHAPTER ONE**

**Takiko's POV**

"**Get up you lazy girl!" a shrill voice yelled. I groaned and turned over in my 'bed.' The shrill voice started yelling again. "Get up now or I'll beat you till you're black and blue!" I sat up groggily and muttered, "Yes mother." My mother left the room huffing and yelled back, "Hurry and clean the house you lazy child!" **

**I left the warmth of my bed and showered. I then slipped on the rough fabric of the brown dress, put on the white apron, and tied my hair into a low ponytail to keep it out of my face. **

**My name was Takiko, I'm seventeen years old, I work as a maid in my foster parents' hotel, and I'm despised and hated. I never understood why though. Everyone threw me looks of terror and fear. No one wanted to be my friend. When I was little, none of the parents ever let me play with their kids. The kids, made fun of me for my strange eye color and called me a demon that would curse them all. **

**I grew up without friends, without a real family, but the forest made up for it. Our village was bordered by a forest and that was where I found comfort. I loved the forest more than anything. I would go there to sing and dance whenever I could. It was my sanctuary. **

**After deathly hours of working, I left the hotel and headed towards the woods. I walked silently and ignored the stares the villagers were giving me. I lived with this kind of treatment all my life.**

**When I made it to the woods, it was already dark. I sat in my favorite clearing humming to myself. The words escaped my lips. (A/N: this is the French version of 'only hope' by Mandy Moore.)**

_**Il y a une chanson qu'est l'intérieur de mon âme. C'est le l'un que j'ai essayé d'écrire maintes et maintes fois encore je suis éveillé dans le**_

_**froid infini Mais vous me chantez maintes et maintes fois et par-dessus encore**_

_**Donc je pose ma tête de retour en bas et je soulève mes mains et prie pour être seulement le vôtre je prie**_

_**pour être seulement le vôtre je sais maintenant que vous êtes mon seul espoir**_

_**Me chanter la chanson des étoiles. De votre galaxie dansant et riant et riant encore Quand il se sent comme mes rêves sont si me**_

_**Chante loin des projets que vous avez pour moi par-dessus encore**_

_**Donc je pose ma tête de retour en bas, et je soulève mes mains et prie pour être seulement le vôtre je prie**_

_**pour être seulement le vôtre je sais maintenant que vous êtes mon seul espoir**_

_**Je vous donne ma destinée je me tous vous donne je veux que votre symphonie Chantant dans tout que je suis en**_

_**haut de mes poumons je donne lui soutient**_

_**Donc je pose ma tête de retour en bas, et je soulève mes mains et prie pour être seulement le vôtre je prie**_

_**pour être seulement le vôtre je prie pour être seulement le vôtre je sais maintenant que vous êtes mon seul**_

_**espoir**_

**I stopped singing as I heard a sound. I stood up and looked around. Nothing was there.**

**I was about to get going when someone clamped their hand over my house. By the calluses and the rough feeling, I knew it was a man. His breath was hot on my ear as he whispered, "Well look at what he have here. A sweet little wood nymph singing. What's the matter sweetheart?" The man gave a bitter laugh then spoke a little louder, "Eh, boys look at what I found!"**

**With my exceptionally good vision, I saw four other men come out of the woods. My eyes widened. I knew what was going to happen. I wasn't stupid. Actually, I was smarter than most people. I started to struggle in the rude man's hands. His grip only tightened. **

**I felt tears prick at my eyes. I wouldn't let this happen. I struggled harder and finally, an idea hit. I bit him. I bit his hand hard enough to draw out blood. It must have hurt because he immediately let go screaming. I fell to the grassy floor and ran.**

"**Don't let that bitch get away! Get her boys!"**

**My eyes adjusted to the darkness so I could run. The fear of getting caught pushed me to run faster. I ran faster than I ever thought possible. I was afraid. I was just a village girl. I didn't deserve this fate. **

**I didn't pay attention to where I was running and tripped over an uprooted part of a tree. I fell to the floor and hurt my thigh. They came running and pinned me down. The man from before, stood above me. "I was going to let you enjoy this, but now, I'm going to get fucking pay back bitch."**

**I tore the worn fabric of my dress and tears fell down my face. **

"**NO! Please someone! Help me!"**

"**No one gonna hear out way out he-." His voice hitched in his throat suddenly. On his lip, blood began to fall. The horrific man was thrown off me and into a tree because I heard a smack.**

**The men that had pinned me down ran away in fear. I closed my eyes awaiting my death that would come. When it didn't come and instead I felt soft fabric fall on me, I opened my eyes, and gasped.**

**Before me stood the most gorgeous man I had even seen. His black bangs hung on the side of his face and his dark eyes bore into my gold ones. I slowly sat up and looked down at myself. The dress was torn down to my navel and was practically unrepairable. **

**The soft fabric that had fallen on me earlier was actually a long sleeved shirt that was would probably reach my knees. I slipped on the shirt and realized that it belonged to my savior. I looked up only to see him walking away.**

"**Wait please!" He did not stop.**

**I ran towards him and grabbed his arm. He suddenly stopped and stared at me. I gripped his hand and asked, "Please, may I know the name of the man who saved me?"**

**He did not answer, but tried to remove my hand. His hands were calloused and warm. I refused to let go. I frowned when he glared at me. **

"**Please, I only ask for you name."**

**His hand released my wrist and then for the first time, he spoke.**

"**If I tell you, will you let me go?"**

**I gave a small nod. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Uchiha. Uchiha Sasuke."**

**Then with a bright smile I said, "My name is Takiko and thank you for saving me."**

**I released his hand and continued, "As thank you…"**

**I closed my eyes and stood on my tip toes and leaned towards him. My lips slightly brushed against his. I stood back down and bowed to him and whispered a last thank you, and then turned and ran home in fear of getting into trouble.**

_Heaven_

_Profile:_

_Name: Ciel_

_Age: 16_

_Eye color: Icy blue_

_Hair color: silver_

_Abilities: Can talk to the spirits of the elements (I'll explain this later)_

_PREVIEW OF CHAPTER ONE_

_Kiss my hand_

_Hold my heart_

_Falling into you_

_Drip…_

_Drip…_

_Drip…_

_Squeak…_

"_Ciel…"_

"_Ciel?"_

_Two women…_

"_Yes, that is her name."_

_A blonde haired woman with a fairly large bosom stood holding a bundle in her arms._

"_A beautiful little thing she is. Do you suppose she's a human?"_

_A dark haired woman holding a pig stood before the blonde woman holding the child._

"_No, she looks too beautiful and too unearthly."_

"_Then what do you suppose she is Tsunade-sama?" the dark haired woman asked._

"_She is Ciel and we are now entrusted with her life."_

"_You do know that taking her in will cause us many problems?"_

"_Indeed it will Shizune, but I doubt my conscience will allow me to leave her," replied Tsunade._

"_Indeed it would not. Ciel…exactly, what does that mean?"_

"_Heaven…"_

_7 years later…_

"_Sakura-nee-chan?"_

_A young girl ten year old girl with beautiful silver hair sat beside a pink haired girl only a few years older than her on a bed decorated with moons and stars. _

"_What is it Ciel-chan?" replied the older girl._

"_Why do I hear strange things?" Ciel tilted her head to one side and looked at Sakura with curiosity in her eyes._

"_That's because you're special Ciel-chan," came a voice from behind them. Ciel turned around to see a lovely girl about Sakura's age. Her platinum colored hair hung in a high ponytail, and her azure eyes shined with adoration for the little girl._

_Ciel stood up and ran towards the older girl hugging her around the waist. _

"_Am I that special Ino-nee-chan?"_

"_Yes you are." _

"_TenTen-nee-chan, you're back!" Ciel exclaimed. She ran toward TenTen enveloping her in a small hug. TenTen smiled sweetly and picked the little girl up. Ciel squealed out in happiness. _

"_I love you TenTen-nee-chan, Ino-nee-chan, Sakura-nee-chan!"_

_There was a light cough from behind them and they all turned around to see a girl with purple short hair and moon white eyes. _

"_Ah, I love you too Hinata-nee-chan!" squealed a hyper active Ciel. Her smile spread as she was hugged by her big sisters._

_Tsunade opened the door to the room and said, "Ciel-chan, could you please come here?"_

_Ciel hopped off after the older blonde woman that she had dubbed her mother. _

_9 years later…_

_KLANG! KLANG!_

_Ciel stood in the center of a training room blindfolded with a sword in her hand. Her senses heightened, and her ability to strike quickly made this training exercise easy. A kunai flew at her. Using her sword she raised it and struck to her left successfully blocking the kunai. _

_Now sixteen years old, Ciel had grown very much. Her long, beautiful, and unnatural silvery hair lay in a braid that reached her calf, and as she removed the blindfold she blinked her eyes. The once childish light blue eyes were now a striking ice blue and were more defined and intimidating. Her tan skin was smooth and probably felt like silk. She was beautiful, untamed, and still as childish and stubborn as ever._

_Her older sister, TenTen had taken the liberty to train her in weapon;, Ino had trained her in the arts of dancing, make up designing, and the art of clothing; Sakura had taught Ciel to act. Her ability to lie was as good as ever. Sakura, Tsunade, and Shizune had all taught her about medicine and other medical things._

_Ciel was different and yet she never cared. She had never left the safety of Tsunade's estate due to a lot of things. According to Tsunade, she was inhuman and considered a delicacy. _

_Ciel sat there huffing and puffing while TenTen picked up the kunai. All of a sudden the door was slammed open with a BOOM!_

"_Ciel, you need to leave here, now!"_

Eh, hope you like the previews, please pick one that you would prefer and I'll update my other stories soon. Love you and thanks for reviewing if you do, and if you don't I don't like you.

Just kidding, I love you anyways. C:

S2 bunny


	5. Chapter 5

Ingredients to Your Living Hell

Chapter Five: Itachi, I hate you!

Terrible god damn mother fucking bitch ass shitty headaches; oh how I hated hangovers and being stoned. Did you ever wonder what SAT means? It means stoned and totaled; that's what it means.

I was lying in a bed when I woke up. Strangely I thought I was supposed to be outside. Even stranger, why the hell was Itachi wearing make up? His face was covered in white and purple paint. Haha, that's funny.

I sat up even though my brain was racking in pain. Hey, that rhymes. Well yeah, I looked around Itachi's room and saw Kisame sleeping against a wall mumbling something about anchovy pizza and coke. Did they even have coke in this time? Well he could be talking about cocaine.

I looked around the room for Itachi and didn't find him. That was strange. I suddenly felt something pull me back down on the mattress. I gave squeak as I found myself in the arms of a psycho killer…in his bed…wearing his shirt for some odd reason. I frowned and thought silently, 'WHAT THE FUCK!'

He buried his head in the crock of my neck and mumbled something about evil pink bunnies. (0.o) I cursed him and thought, 'I want fucking out of his arms now!'

Then…I felt him kiss my neck. He left little love marks and I was just about to kill him when he murmured, "You taste like strawberries." My face looked like this. 0.0

What the mother fucking hell was he doing! ARG! I tried to shove him off me, which only led to me and him rolling onto the to the ground with a

_THUD!_

He landed on top of me while straddling my waist. I frowned even more when my hands were pinned above my head. I thrashed, struggled, even tried to bite him, but I couldn't get out of his damned grasp. I huffed and growled at him.

He let out an uncharacteristic chuckle and leaned closer to me. A smirked was on his lips and he whispered in my ear, "I like strawberries," and nipped my earlobe. I struggled and hissed out, "Let me go, or I'll make sure you never have ki-!" well I was finishing my sentence, but he _rudely_ interrupted me by harshly kissing me.

Again with the kissing, what was with him and kissing me! Oh well, I bit him. Muahahaha! Yes, I bit his tongue. He pulled back at the pain and glared at me will he lick his lips.

I glared at him triumphantly and said, "Kiss my ass you fucker."

He looked at me and then said, "I'd rather fuck you." I had no idea if he was kidding or not, but still, I gagged. Then flipping our positions, I glared down at him and said, "No way are you ever fucking touching me again."

I got up off him and left the room. 'Stupid conceited asshole.' I thought angrily. I didn't know where the hell I was going, but I eventually stormed outside. Then stormed even father and farther until I was utterly lost in the woods….

_Again_

I looked around the woods and walked around and around and around. This was totally pointless. I finally realized that, a, I was wearing Itachi's clothes (His black pants that hung loosely on my waist and his black mesh shirt thing.), and b I was walking around the woods where I could get killed.

_**Hours later…**_

I let out a very loud and very banshee like scream.

"**ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! FUCK YOU ITACHI! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DAMN STUPID ASSHOLE NESS!"**

I let out a furious cry and punch the nearest thing to my right.

"OUCH!"

I shrieked and fell back. There standing in front of me was a boy about thirteen or so wearing a lot of orange. His blonde hair was spiky and mess and his eyes were an electric blue. I blinked a few times at him with my 'red' eyes and then asked frustratingly, "Who the fucking hell are you!"

Well I actually kind of screamed it, but same difference. I stared at him and then screamed, "WELL! WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!"

He cringed in fear and gulped. "N-Na-Naruto…"

He whispered quietly. I had no time to deal with this kind of crap so I growled at him and glared at him with my pretty red eyes. I stood up, turned around and met the point of a kunai. I yelped again and fell down again. In front of me was a man with silver hair that looked all floppy with a kunai in hand. Behind him was furious looking kid who looked a lot like Itachi, and a girl with pink hair and green eyes. I stared at them and mumbled some cuss words. All of a sudden I totally remembered my terrible hangover and grabbed my head saying, "Fuck that damn fucker and his fucking stupid ass sake. Damn him to hell!"

I glared at the man with silver hair and yelled out, "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! ALL I WANT TO DO NOW IS DRINK TEQUILA AND GO HOME! JAIL WAS EVEN BETTER THAN THIS HELL HOLE!"

The silver haired man blinked at me and then looked to the blonde kid who I forgot was behind me asked, "Did she do anything to you Naruto?"

Naruto shook his head and then grinned, "She just kind of made me deaf with her voice."

_**SNAP!**_

There goes me temper. I stood up abruptly and turned myself to the blonde boy.

"Don't you dare piss me off kid. I am in the worst mood possible and still on hangover." I hissed at the boy who was slowly backing up while I was storming towards him.

"Do you just happen to know how much shit I've been through since I came here? I was kidnapped by two, not one, but _two_ freaking crazy psycho killers, and then one of them **licked **me! That's just uber disgusting. Then I was brought back to a freakin' lair and locked up in a room where I had nothing to do except destroy his room and count my weed! THEN! He has the nerve to kiss me and then insult me! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT! AND MOREOVER HE FREAKIN' MOLESTED ME FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! **DAMN YOU ITACHI!"**

Well, finally calming down, I looked at Naruto who was cowering in fear. I glared at him and then turned to the silver haired dude and screamed, "EVEN WORSE, I KEEP MEETING WEIRDOS AND PSYCHOS!"

I pointed an accusing finger at him. The boy with black hair from behind the silver haired dude disappeared suddenly. I blinked several times and then thought, 'Where the hell did he go?'

I soon found myself on the forest ground, on my stomach, my hands pinned to my back, and a pointy thingy at my neck.

"Meep!"

"Where is he?"

That stupid boy was now sitting on my and I was just about as pissed as ever.

"OFF ME NOW! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!"

I was shrieking like a banshee and then I used my leg, and being my flexible and very limber self, I kicked him in the back of the head.

He fell of me, and was stopped by the silver haired dude who held his wrist to prevent him from throwing the pointy thing at me and/or charging at me with it.

I glared at him and then yelled, "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! WHY WON'T ANYONE JUST LET ME GO HOME! I MISS MIKEY, I MISS MY FUCKING PARENTS, AND MOST OF ALL I FUCKING MISS MY DAMN BED AND TEQUILA! I WANT TO GO MOTHER FUCKING HOME!"

I ended up sobbing like a crazed maniac on the forest floor and whining about alcohol.

Then I sat up and yelled at the top of my lungs,

"**_ITACHI, YOU MOTHER FUCKING BITCH ASS RAT SHIT BASTARD; I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! I FRIGGEN HATE YOU!_**"

---

Yes! I have now finished the fifth chapter! C: this is just pointless comedy. Hehe, anyways, can you guess who the people are? xD anyways, anyone who totally loves my stories, can read 'Mercenary's Life.' I just posted it like a day or two ago, so go read it and leave me reviews! C:

I'll love you even more.

I have this story idea and I'll eventually submit it when I'm not so lazy. Anyways, I also have a fan fic recommendation, either read, "**The Scheme**" by **kimbop** OR read any and all of **Blackbelt**'s stories. Love her work.

S2 bunny


	6. Chapter 6

Ingredients to Your Living Hell

Chapter Six: Death threats and drinking

So, as most of you remember, I was sobbing and screaming in the last chapter. Stupid Itachi.

Anyways, now I'm being carried by the silver haired dude, Kakashi, towards their village. The pink haired girl was Sakura and the black haired boy was Sasuke, Itachi's little brother.

Kakashi smelled like sandalwood. Sorry, just had to get that out.

I fell asleep on the way and when I woke up, I was in a hospital. How I knew it was a hospital? It was all white. Why I was here? I don't know, but what I do know is that if I don't consume a _very_ large amount of alcohol right now then someone's going to die. I got up and found myself still dressed in Itachi's clothes. I walked around the hospital and found a nurse who kindly pointed me into the direction of the nearest exit and the nearest bar.

When I got to the bar, guess who I saw?

Flippy! (My official nickname for Kakashi) I walked over to him and yelled, "HI FLIPPY!" Why was I so hyper? I don't know that one either.

He turned around and so did the other people with him. A guy with a senbon in his mouth, a lady with wavy hair and red eyes, a dude with uber creepy eyebrows and a bowl cut, and a dude that was smoking. I glared at the smoker and stole his cigar right out of his mouth.

Before he could say anything I said menacingly, "If you dare put another cigar in your mouth around me, I'll make sure you either never have kids or you'll never be able to move again." I sent him the 'death glare' and then sat down next to Flippy. The bar tender and the rest of them looked at me. I smiled and asked, "What's the strongest thing you've got?"

The bar tender looked at me and asked, "Aren't you a little too young to be drinking?"

I glared at him and threatened, "If you don't get me my fucking drink right now, I swear you won't live to see another day."

The dude came back in 2 seconds with my drink which I downed in 3 seconds time. I grinned and said, "Another pleases!"

And so this went on and with each shot I had, the bar tender's eyes would widen. The people around me were chanting, "Go!" over and over. I was still at it after 20 shots.

I was about to down my 46th shot when a warm hand gripped mine and pulled the cup away from me. I frowned and turned to punch the person in the face when I promptly fell out of my chair. I waited for my back to hit the floor, but then I felt two warm arms around me. I blinked up at the black eyes that stared back at me. I lifted my hands up and squeezed the person's cheeks.

"Aww, look! You have chubby cheeks!"

The person picked me up and hoisted me over his shoulder. It was very uncomfortable, but…

I had a nice view of his ass. xD

Well, hopefully it was a guy. 0.0

I fell asleep eventually.

_Else where_

Itachi was fuming! It was comically funny, but then again anything that has to do with Itachi being out of character is.

He searched the whole Akatsuki hideout ten times over looking for that stupid girl. Poor Tachi-kun.

Kisame watched his partner tear up the whole hideout looking for his precious little pet. Itachi had grown quite attached to the girl. Something about a challenge; plus she was funny.

Kisame finally tried to get his partner's attention.

"Itachi, maybe she left the hideout?"

Itachi stopped and turned to Kisame.

"Let's go."

And with that, the two most feared Akatsuki members left to find the missing girl that had caught Itachi's attention and possible, chipped of a piece of that ice surrounding his heart.

----

Haha, I see a fight coming. C: I especially dedicate this chapter to silverprincess0001. get better! C:

S2 bunny


	7. Chapter 7

Ingredients to Your Living Hell

Chapter Seven: Excuse me! What did you say!

Okay so we left of where I was being carried away by a dude. It was Kakashi. I was unkindly thrown onto a bed where I slept for three lovely days, and like always, woke up with a banging headache.

"Oh my poor head…"

I sat up and looked around the room, 'Clean, neat, simple, desk, picture of team seven, Uchiha symbol thing, door, Sasuke standing in front of the doorlooking at me, windows, bathroom, closet, chairs…'

I turned back to Sasuke and grinned, "What's up my homie g dog skillet?"

He quirked a brow at me and I frowned. 'He looks just way too much like Itachi.'

Geez, I wonder what happened to him. I sat there staring at Sasuke and then my tummy interrupted our little moment of silence.

"Ehehe…opps?"

Sasuke sighed and said, "I made food."

I hopped of the bed and followed him to the kitchen where I ate everything…like seriously, everything.

He only stared with widening eyes.

I laughed it off and then asked him, "Hehe, so Sasuke, you wanna help me go shopping?"

I saw his face scrunch up at the idea and then he answered, "Hell no." I huffed and then used my ultimate secret weapon...

"I'll tell you where Itachi is..."

Yup, that got his attention. Oh yes indeed this was going to be a good day.

!Many many many hours later!

I was enjoying my ice cream and Sasuke was sitting there watching his melt...probably trying out his new evil hot glare that could even melt ice. Anyways, as many of you noticed, my language is less...vulgar. That's because of Flippy. Making me keep my language in check as long as I'm around Sasuke-chan.

Okay, i bought eight shirts, seven pairs of awesome new pants, and alot of make and accessories. I didn't even have to pay for any of it...blackmail...the world's best thing...

Finally after a while Sasuke-chan spoke up.

"How do you know nii-san?"

I looked at him and he frowned. "Well, umm, I really don't know him. I just became his object of interest when I fell into this world."

He looked at me questionablly. "Look kid, you're brother maybe a psycho bitchy fuckingass head, but he's okay."

Sasuke frown and looked at me. "What's your whole name?"

"Uzunahi Kyoko, why?"

Sasuke-chan's eyes widened and then he said, "You're my sister-in-law..."

I choked on air and then yelled, "EXCUSE ME! WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Sasuke backed up a few steps and then I heard a smooth voice say, "You're my fiance."

I turned around and found Itachi, the asshole. I gapped like fish. I was so fucking speechless. I could not fucking believe it. So due to the shock, I promptly fainted and hit my head on the bench.

-----

xD okay, all done. dude, i know it's short,but i'm out of school now and so i'll try to update more:D i'll be updating "Hymns of Heaven" soon and "Returning" is near the end. Hope you guys are happy! ) i'll update soon. thanks to all you awesome reviews out there.


	8. Chapter 8

Ingredients to Your Living Hell

Chapter Eight: Please fuckin' explain pt.1

I watched as Kyoko – neechan fell to the ground and hit her head on the bench. I found it odd that her first reaction was to yell at me, but putting that aside I turned to my niisan and glared at him. I reached for a kunai, but he interrupted me.

"I am not here to fight Sasuke. Only to take back what belongs to me."

I was about the retort, but Kakashi – sensei appeared out of nowhere and threw shuriken at Itachi. "Sasuke, get Kyoko out of here! Take her to the Hokage's office!" I hauled her up only to find she was extremely light considering her age and height.

I eyed niisan before flitting off to the Hokage's office.

When I arrived, Izumo and Kotetsu were there. "I need to see the Hokage…now." After eyeing Kyoko – neechan, they took me to the Hokage's office.

Once there, the old man looked up from his work and spoke to Izumo and Kotetsu, "Send Asuma and Kurenai to help Kakashi."

---

Kyoko's POV

Aiya...what's with always waking up with a fucking headache...bullshit man.

I shifted and heard noises. I opened my eyes and felt as if they were beingpulled down by fucking 10 lbs. weights!

"She's Uzunahi Kyoko..." ehh, that's Sasuke's voice...

"So she is Uchiha Itachi's missing fiance..." ehh and that's some old dude talking...

HOLY SHIT! WHAT NIKKA! I forced my eyes open and jumped up only to fall over and hit my head...again.

"Fucking shit nikka..." I groaned as I sat up. I could feel the bruise on my head as everything came rushing back before I blacked out.

_"You're my fiance..."_

"AHHH! NOOOO!" I screamed out of no where. I launched myself at Sasuke and shook him by the shoulders while yelling, "NOOO! FUCKING GOD NOO! I CAN'T BE ITACHI'S FUCKING FIANCE! THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT! NOOO! FUCK THAT FUCKING FUCKER!" and then I broke down crying.

My world was fucking shattering thanks to that bitch ass bastard...

"You say it as if it's a bad thing Kyoko..."

My eyes flew up to see the one and the only bastard...

Uchiha Itachi.

"ARG! I'M GONNA FUCKING BARBEQUE YOUR GAY ASS YOU BITCH!" I ran towards him only to be stopped as Kakashi grabbed on the collar of my shirt.

"Ack!" I heard that bastard Kakashi chuckle as the Hokage sighed and said, "Kyoko, would you please settle down?"

I glared at the Hokage and then said, "Well can somebody please fuckin' explain to me how in the hell I got fuckin' engaged to this asshole please!" I huffed as Kakashi gave me a cheeky smile. Oddly I felt Itachi glared at Kakashi.

I all of a sudden felt really light headed...well we all know where this is going don't we?

Well this was going to be a load of fucking bullshit bitch ass fuckin' fun...don't you think so?

Then I passed out...fuckin' again...

---

_flashback_

_A7 year oldKyoko sat on the bench in the gardens of the Uchiha mansions. _

_"Kyoko-neechan!" yelled a 4 year old Sasuke. Kyoko looked up and grinned, "Sasuke-chan!"_

_Kyoko stood up and ran towards Sasuke as they embraced each other in a cute hug. (aww! )_

_"Ne, neechan? Are you and niisan really gonna get married?" Sasuke made a weird face as if to say 'I don't want you too...'_

_Kyoko gave off a cute little laugh and then said, "Mhmm, we're gonna get married when I turn 18, but Sasuke-chan, why don't you want me to get married to Itachi-kun?"_

_"Because neechan! If you marry niisan, then that means you won'tplay with meanymore!" Sasuke whined out and started to tear._

_Kyoko smiled at him and then said, "Aww, Sasuke-chan, I'll always be here for you." She smiled and pulled the little boy into her lap as they sat on the ground of the Uchiha mansion. _

_Then suddenly a bright light consumed the garden as Sasuke held on to his neechan tightly as if he was afraid to lose her. (which he was)_

_When the light seemed to have disappeared, Sasuke laid on the ground of the Uchiha mansion all alone with Kyoko no where in sight._

---

well just to tell you, there is no big bad guy, but there is a reason why she went "POOF!" that was just a part of Kyoko's dreams. loll, well it's not as funny as the other chapters i've written, but there will be some explinations to this whole Kyoko mystery! tune in next time nikkas!

i'm going to go update **mercenary's life** now!


End file.
